No more sameness.

I think one of the strangest things about being a senior in high school is when it starts to hit you that you aren't going to be around for much longer.

I've attended my school since the middle of fifth grade.  I've been with the same people for years.  I've had the same learning environment for the longest time.  And the fact that I'm not going to be in the same place anymore baffles me.  I think every senior goes through this at some point, but it's started to hit me recently.

Caleb and I were dancing at prom a couple of weeks ago when we started to talk about how fun it would be to have a prom without fancy clothes... if we could have a prom where everyone came in their pajamas to dance and have fun.  A pajama prom.  "Next year, let's do that!" Caleb said eagerly, but I tapped his shoulder.  "We won't be here next year," I reminded him.

And then we both got quiet.

At times, attending a university seems like an absolutely foreign concept to me.  It won't be like anything I've ever experienced before.  It'll be totally new, so how can I ever comprehend something like that?  I can't quite imagine it.  I can't know for sure what college will be like until I experience it for myself.  It'll be so new.  So different.

I often forget about the fact that I won't be at my high school anymore after this year.  It's easy to walk through the halls at school and think to myself, "I'll be here forever.  This is where I belong."  My school is where I've always been.

I can't imagine what things are going to be like come the end of school.  There'll be no more, "See you next year!"s and "Have a good summer... I'll see you in August!"s.  No, it's going to be more like, "Goodbye.  If you're one of my best friends, I'll keep in touch, but otherwise, this is going to be the last time we talk for ten years or more."  That's a scary thought.

No more of the same teachers and classmates and familiar four walls surrounding me every day.  No more laughing at the underclassmen for their drama.  No more sameness.

I still catch myself saying, "Well, there's always next year."  Even when I'm at home, thinking about the superbowl or daylight savings or really anything, I start to think, "Next year, I'll do it this way."  But I won't be at home next year.  I won't be with my family next year.  I'll be at college.

Everything will be new in college.  Newness scares me.  Change scares me, I'll admit.  I know it has to come and I know that it will ultimately be good for me, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't look forward to it.

Does this not concern any other seniors out there?!