Alphabetized Books

I'm a senior in high school, due to graduate at the end of May.  To be honest, it still hasn't quite hit me that in seven months, I'll be moving away from my family and friends to live and attend school in another city.  It's scary.  Yes, I've traveled far away from home before.  I've been to ten countries outside of the United States, eight of them away from my family, but I've never actually \lived away from home for longer than a month.

In my mind, I'm still a little girl struggling to learn how to tie her shoes.

How will I take care of myself in a few months?

Last night, I was curled up beneath the covers of my bed, thinking about how we had finally regulated the temperature in my bedroom.  Each year, we deal with the same issues.  At the beginning of the summer, each night is too hot and stuffy.  By the end of autumn, we've finally regulated the temperature but the weather has started to become cold at night again, causing me to wake up in the middle of the night shivering like crazy.  Anyways, last night, I was lying in bed and thinking, "Next year, before it gets so cold, I'll try..." and then I stopped.

Next year?  What next year?  I'll have moved out by then.  I won't be living at home anymore.

And for a brief, awful moment, I felt like my entire world was crashing down around me.

]See, calling myself a creature of habit is an understatement.  When my best friend Ali moved in for a couple of months, she quickly had to learn how opposed I am to change.  Once she moved the box that holds my contacts from one end of the counter to the other and I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the difference.

I have to prepare myself before I flip the calendar pages each month... because the new page will be different from the last page.

You may not have noticed, but I hate change.  I live by routine.  I wear the same kinds of clothes, all color-coded in my closet.  I keep an organized schedule before bed each night.  Want to see it?

Check Facebook/my website/etc one last time.
Take a shower, get dressed, brush teeth, etc.
Unplug all electronics.
Shut all doors and drawers.
Get into bed.
Read three chapters of the Bible.
Read my latest book until the chapter number has a 3, 5, 7, or 0 as its last digit.
Carmex and lotion.
Check to see if alarm lock is set.  Twice.
Check to see if the alarm sound is turned up.
Dim clock light.
Turn off lamp.
Check to see if alarm clock is set one last time.
Turn over pillow and start out sleeping turned away from the door.

It's the same thing every single night without fail.  I don't like change.  What scares me the most about going to college is the fact that I will have to begin a brand new schedule in a brand new environment all by myself.  Everything will be different, which \is difficult for my mind to even comprehend right now.

I've been trying to prepare myself ahead of time.  I change things in my bedroom and see how long I can take it before I have to change them back.  For example, the other day, I put one of my alphabetized (by author) books on the wrong shelf.  On purpose!  That counts, right?  I've started using a different kind of hairbrush.  I even switched around a few wall decorations in my room to different walls.

The whole preparation thing has been working out pretty well, if I do say so myself.  So far I've only had thirteen panic attacks since Tuesday... just kidding.  But seriously, how am I going to survive moving out?

Change is inevitable.  I know that.  I can't stay a senior in high school forever... and I don't want to.  I want to grow and mature and branch out and do great things, not be stuck in a high school student's bedroom for the next seventy years.

No matter how hard it might be to change environments, I know God is on my side.  He will help me and strengthen me.  And I'm deciding now that when the time comes, I will move to a new city with courage and strength... but I'll keep my alphabetized books.